Lapse

Where was I
where was any of it
I just wish
I didn't have to
see it so many times
it makes me
so tired
it makes me
so broken
I want to put my head down
on anyone's shoulder
if only they
would put their arm
back around me
hold tight
oh please
let it be warm and dark
I am so tired
mercy please
a warm and dark place
where there is not
so much sound
and there is not
so much to see
someplace someone
or a cold and light place
I wish I was somewhere
with chickadees on the
branches in a soft falling snow
that loud quiet
of snow
I wish I was somewhere
they say it will snow
later tonight I just
so wish it would
come please I wish I could see it right now
right now to be in it and
be in something
other than this I
am closing my eyes I am
warm and dark and
cold and light I
am breaking for it I am
saying please I am here and
not here
I am all here again please
just the snow just the snow
or a stranger or anyone just
the snow soft hiss soft
in the lamplight come
snow come snow
to me now I cannot
I just can't where
was it
any of it so
much of it I can't I
don't I will I am
just saying for snow one
small time one rest one
warm dark cold light.