Observation. I took an intentional break from this little endeavor. I had not stopped since starting and I wanted to take a step back and get some perspective. What it is I'm doing. Why, sort of. What it is to me and if I want to keep going.
I want to keep going. It costs me in a few different ways, which I am not allowed to whine or complain about, but the benefit is more than the cost.
I started really running again in the fall. Now, this. I am intentionally going to avoid picking up any new hobbies. If someone asks me if I want them to help me learn to knit, or if I want to take out their new kayak, or if I want to take some photos with their new camera, I will say, Fuck, no.
1 comment:
Exactly. Good for you. Exactly.
Just say no, Nancy. Made me think of this comment I wrote in a good friend and collaborator's blog today (edited):
"Fuck, [name here]. I'm sitting here in Ithaca, NY, USA at my wife's elderly parent's house of modern pharmaceutical living and was just thinking over a cup of coffee (and just fucking typed to my dear friend) how I'm so "out of my element here." Too quiet. Too safe. Too fucking bored playing goddamn boardgames with my child.
Then I read this post. And went, "????!" I fucking love this guy! We all do because you write for us and about how we feel about shit.
Dickriding or not, [you're] my BFF and brother and light at the end of tunnels of talent that I never pursued at 33 because I was too busy being know-it-all rock star, local celebrity, boy wonder. That shit fades like magnetic "Support Our Troops" ribbons though.
Strip the fame and talent and I totally understand your plight.
- I get the OCD (was all ready to do something different on 01.01 myself). Powerful force it is. Use it, don't fight it.
- I get the shit bottled up in one's head that needs to get out but one is too busy fucking around with all the lightweight noise and management issues that take up all the time but in order to feel relevant, the lightweight noise and management always wins out leaving a head congested with "ideas" and "notions" and "genius." Relax and let it out like that shitblock you had.
- I get the addiction. I so miss being home alone every day [edited] to the gills. I've convinced myself that the [editing] helps uncork the bottlenecks and soothes the OCD enough to function and not second guess myself over the the whining interweb comments of [edited] who couldn't vacuum my studio to my satisfaction. Embrace your addictions.
Do your thing, Holmes. Do it if only to open your floodgates and discover what ELSE is queued up in that fucking genius mess of a head of yours. But realize that this was the easy part. If you're going to do this shit you're going to have to juggle, balance, and fucking power through.
Your friend and brother and #1 dickrider,
-tyrone"
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