North

We only part to meet again.
Change, as ye list, ye winds;
my heart shall be the faithful compass that still points to thee.

 - author unknown

Untitled

I wake up on time in the morning, I put the kids on the bus, I get immediately back in bed and sleep for hours. I dream the whole time; when I wake, I'm three minutes away from being late. No time at all. I scribble out the words from the dream to look up later in the dream dictionary:

shrimp
clogged drain
crawlspace
wood shavings
boiling water
resuscitate
kangaroo

Later, in the middle of a meeting, I recover a part of the dream in total clarity: I was in this same room. The light coming through the windows was just the same. The tiled floor was the same. I was hovering over a living but unconscious body, I know what to do, I know I'm not totally supposed to do it, but I know in my heart its the right thing to do. I give my Subaru keys to someone in the crowd, the blue one, blue bag, runrunrun. And when they get back with the blue bag I draw up a syringe of Narcan and just as I am focusing with all my might on getting the needle in exactly right here

I wake up. And its like that all week. I go back to sleep. I dream and dream. Towards the end, I am resuscitating someone, somewhere. And I wake up, never knowing if I was successful or not.

Notes

Why That Makes You So Lonely

That was the very last thing you saw when you turned back for one more look into the empty house, as you always do turn back for one more look although no one, and not even you, can say why; just before pulling the door shut, and locking it.

All set here. And this is all it is.

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I.

I Come Home From Work
and Park in the Emergency Snow Parking-Ban Lot
of My City:


The stars, the stars, the
etoiles are spinning, its dark, its icy,
they're icy up in space, I am
on my back on earth on snow looking up
and staring at these mind-fucking-blowing
points spots dots pins
of light
of energy
of matter or no matter of
something SO FAR AWAY that I
can huffyhuff my steamy breath at them and they
go faster
spinning stars getting milliony and
complicated and speeding
twirling whirling so fast they throw up a

pile of glitter.


II.

I Reflect Briefly on This During
the Short Walk Home
From the Emergency Snow Parking-Ban Lot
of My City:

Snow in my faux
fur hood like I was a
real animal like I was alive and
glittering my night eyes
and a buzz of happiness banging
like a fly against a window
on a hot day
banging BANG
against the soft warm walls
of my heart
you in there
stars and stars and stars
just so many cool breaths in and
out and thumpythump
no shitty glitter
same stars and

years, years, years.

Five Reasons Why

Voila